


Jaded Heart

by strawberrymarss



Category: ATEEZ (Band), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I also kept their titles the same, I kept the others' names the same, Lan Wangji!Seonghwa, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Past Memories, The Untamed spoilers, The Untamed!AU, This follows the plot of the TV Series, Wei Wuxian!Hongjoong, i have poor memory like wwx, please excuse inaccuracies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23734993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrymarss/pseuds/strawberrymarss
Summary: No matter how long ago his previous life was, former YiLing Patriarch Hongjoong is still haunted by his memories, which cling onto him and rob him of peaceful sleep.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	Jaded Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! SO, I've been rather obsessed with The Untamed series, and I couldn't help it, I just had to write something about Hongjoong as Wei Wuxian and Seonghwa as Lan Wangji because they just... they just fit the characters and their dynamics. So, this happened. Basically, Hongjoong always has nightmares about his past life, so most of this isn't really different from what happened in the actual plot (I kept most of the details-like names, locations-about the characters and the plots the same too), and Seonghwa comforts him. If you don't want to know any spoilers about the series, then DO NOT READ THIS. Well then, happy reading!
> 
> \---ngl this isnt really anything special lol---

Hongjoong feels rain drip onto his face, and he opens his eyes, gripping the black flute tight in his hand as he walks, like a menacing shadow, behind Wen Qing, who frantically searches the camp for her brother and her clan members. The Lanling Jin Sect cultivators try to stop her, yet, when one of them screams out and points to Hongjoong, they all halt and he sees the colour drain from their faces as they back away from him, pointing, as their lips quiver and mouths fall open. 

He remembers this scene. 

Now, in his second lifetime, it is as if his previous life as the Yiling Patriarch refuses to leave him, constantly haunting his dreams, as if he isn’t already being harrassed and attacked during his waking hours at any chance by living people who knew and didn’t know him, especially when it is revealed that he is indeed  _ the  _ Kim Hongjoong,  _ the  _ notorious YiLing Patriarch who came back from the dead. Even before it came to light, he was already enduring looks and malicious comments since Mo Xuanyu isn’t a person with the brightest past either. It was as if this is him repaying for what he has done when he turned to the path of demonic cultivation, and Hongjoong has long accepted this fact, enduring it.

It doesn’t mean his heart doesn’t hurt when he witnesses again and again all the situations he had gone through, all the painful memories he wishes to forget and let go.

He hears Wen Qing scream desperately, “where are the Wen Clan cultivators sent here just a few days ago?!”

His heart clenches as he hears her sob and cry out for her family, for the missing Wen Ning. The pain feels as real as when it happened in his previous life. He was never numbed to it either, the overwhelming pain and grief he felt was, after all, the tipping point, the thing which sent him over the edge spiraling into a Kim Hongjoong full of resentment and became the ‘ruthless’ YiLing Patriarch. The motions all happen the same, him rounding up the Lanling Jin Sect cultivators, interrogating them, finding the dead Wen Ning, playing Chenqing and controlling the vengeful corpse, ending up killing many of the Lanling Jin cultivators, and then escaping from the camp. 

But the motions then stop being a blur, as Hongjoong spots the white figure standing in the middle of the mountain path, amidst the pouring rain.

Lan Gusu Sect’s Lan (Park) Seonghwa. Despite being adopted into the Lan family, Seonghwa carries each value Lan Gusu Sect upholds, he is just as graceful and as great as other Lan Gusu cultivators, he is as talented and powerful, deserving to be one of the Two Jades of Lan, the other being his elder brother, the current head of Lan Gusu Sect, Lan Xichen.

_ No _ , his mind whispers as the figure nears as his horse advances. No matter how many years it has passed, no matter if this is only his memory, no matter if this is only a dream, it  _ hurts  _ to see Seonghwa staring up at him, as he stared back down from horseback.  _ No. _

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa calls, stern, yet gentle. The man always,  _ always  _ has that air with him. Intimidating, stern, yet calm and gentle. 

Hongjoong’s dream self pulls on the reins, and Hongjoong wants to break down because he knows what happens next. He wants to bend over and weep and wail. Tell Seonghwa he’s sorry, tell Seonghwa again and again he doesn’t mean to hurt Seonghwa, tell Seonghwa he’s sorry he turned out this way, he’s sorry he is hurting Seonghwa who cared so much about him, sorry that he is hurting everyone, but he cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that Wen Qing’s branch of the Wen Clan is  _ innocent, _ yet treated like they also have blood on their hands _. _ He did say all that, but he wishes… he wishes he said it with less anger, with less of a defensive, harsh tone.

“Hongjoong, come back with me to the Cloud Recesses,” Seonghwa calls out, and Hongjoong notices the desperation, the  _ pain _ , in Seonghwa’s eyes as he asks, as he _begs_ for Hongjoong to  _ please  _ return to him, to _please_ return with him, though he knows it is in vain. 

If only, he thinks, if only he had found another way, where he could return to Cloud Recesses with Seonghwa  _ and  _ save Wen Qing’s branch, all this could be avoided. But he didn’t, and there wasn’t time back then to think of a better way other than going down the path of demonic cultivation and becoming the YiLing Patriarch in order to protect the remaining Wen from being completely exterminated. And it hurts _ , _ it  _ hurts, _ that even if he went back, he can’t change  _ anything. _ He would still have to say the same things his dream self is saying now, he would still have to reject Seonghwa, push away, hit the hand extended ever so gently to him.

But Seonghwa…

Seonghwa moves aside after he finishes his speech and lets him go. 

Back then, Hongjoong didn’t turn around to pay Seonghwa any attention after he passed him, but this time, knowing his dream self will carry on like his memory, he forces himself to throw a glance over his shoulder. 

Seonghwa’s pure white umbrella has now dropped onto the muddy, wet ground, and the man was staring up at the sky.

Hongjoong tears his eyes away to avoid forcing himself to pull on his horse’s reins and run back over to the swordsman.

But instead of the mountain path, he is greeted by the Nightless City, no longer on horseback, but perched atop the roof of one of the abandoned buildings, overlooking the lines and lines of the cultivators which came together for a meeting to overthrow him, but now all tensed as they notice him. Hongjoong wants to cry again, because he knows what will happen next. This is why he feels like this is him repaying for what he has committed going into the path of demonic cultivation, the torture of watching his regrets play over and over and  _ over  _ again, is so,  _ so  _ painful to bear. Despite his self-proclaimed (and confirmed as well as pointed out by others) poor memory, these memories are so vivid and crystal clear in his mind. 

His dream self speaks again, engaged in a back and forth argument about Qiongqi Way, about Jin Zixun’s curse, about harming people he doesn’t recognize but they remember him, about how wrong he is to have gone down the other path, about the Wen Clan’s remaining cultivators. Hongjoong sweeps over the field again, and he sees many figures in white robes, some he recognizes, but none of them is Seonghwa.

_ ‘Of course,’ _ he thinks, but his dream self isn’t affected, ‘ _ Seonghwa came a little late during this one.’ _

Then it cuts straight to the battle, Hongjoong lifting Chenqing to his lips and playing his notes of damnation, summoning corpses and resentful evil spirits to fight the cultivators, watching with cold eyes as they screamed and struggled against his relentless dark forces.

And then he hears the unmistakable sound of a guqin he misses, and his dream self turns around, greeting Seonghwa who stands metres away from him on the same roof, wielding the guqin and his Bichen. His dream self comments amusedly that he is immune to the Song of Clarity, and they fight, exactly like how he remembers it to go, and Seonghwa warns that the situation is different now, and he hears his past self ask what he meant by that. And then, the unmistakable voice of Yanli calling out his name halts him. His dream self jumps off the roof, and Seonghwa follows suit, defending him against the onslaught of both cultivators and out-of-control puppets as he runs to Yanli.

Hongjoong’s heart hurts at how long it took him to realize how ready Seonghwa was to sacrifice everything to help him.

Hongjoong wants to run away, he doesn’t want to see the way Yanli’s back gets torn open by a puppet who he lost control over, he doesn’t want to hear that second flute playing and making his puppets go against him. But, what can he do, when this is a playback of that dark memory?

The sound of Bichen clashing with other swords enters his ears as he runs to Yanli, and Seonghwa stops him with a hand.

“Stop your puppets, stop this,  _ Hongjoong _ !” Seonghwa yells, Hongjoong’s name coming out somewhat broken and desperate, and Hongjoong takes a moment longer to look properly into his eyes, his usually cold and emotionless eyes which are filled with desperation and anger.

But, of course, his dream self pushes Seonghwa away exactly like he did back then, and runs to Yanli and Jiang Cheng, who weeps over their injured sister. And the sounds of Bichen clashing against other blades are heard again, as he drops to his knees before Yanli, who beckons him over weakly. Yanli struggles,  _ it’s such a painful sight to see _ , to speak to him, to force out her last words through the pain, as she caresses Hongjoong’s cheek, ever so gentle, still one of the few people who showed him love and held him tenderly back when he deviated from normal cultivation and started onto the path to becoming YiLing Patriarch.

And then she surges forward and Hongjoong wants to pull her back from facing her fate, but like always, again, he can’t, and a sword stabs through her chest. Blood spurts out her mouth, and Hongjoong wants to scream as he stares, as Jiang Cheng catches her limp body, as she falls back, and exhales her last breath. His dream self rises and chokes the man who killed Yanli mercilessly, not one bit of hesitation is present in his act, and when he turns around to look at Yanli again, he sees not Jiang Cheng bent over her, but he is atop a cliff, watching and laughing brokenly at the cultivators who are going mad, falling into chaos, trying to chase after the broken pieces of his Stygian Tiger Amulet. They shame him for seeking power, for becoming the YiLing Patriarch, yet when Hongjoong throws the pieces to them, even though they are useless in that state, they run, tripping over each other and fighting each other to take the Amulet’s shards, not realizing that they are showing their thirst for power; the exact thing they shunned Hongjoong for. 

But if there was one thing Hongjoong learned, it was that these cultivators, no matter how pure, how kind they seem, if not all, then most of them have a dark side to them, seeking fame and power. 

“Hongjoong!” He hears Seonghwa call, and he turns his sight to Seonghwa who stands metres from him, the right sleeve of his otherwise pure white robe stained red. 

This is... This is where Seonghwa pleads, one last time, for Hongjoong to return to him.

But instead, Seonghwa doesn’t say anything, and a light blue sword glare appears as he unsheathes Bichen again.

Hongjoong’s eyes widen.

“Seonghwa?” He utters out involuntarily, as the other steps closer, Bichen’s blade reflecting the slowly rising Sun as dawn breaks.

This.... This isn’t what happened back then. 

Seonghwa runs, closing the distance, wielding Bichen, and Hongjoong feels himself panickedly back away, jumping off the cliff. He sees Seonghwa’s cold eyes watching him as he falls to his ‘death’.

Hongjoong can’t stop the scream which tears out of him.

“Seonghwa!”

\---

“Seonghwa!”

Hongjoong screams as he startles awake, only to feel himself be embraced by familiar strong arms. His chest heaves, as he breaths frantically, his tears streaming down his cheeks as he curls up against Seonghwa’s warmth. He grabs hard onto Seonghwa’s robes, crying into the smooth clothing as Seonghwa rubs his back comfortingly.

“Seonghwa… Seonghwa…” Hongjoong sobs, “Seonghwa… Seonghwa…”

“Mn,” Seonghwa hums, letting Hongjoong cry, “I am here.”

“Seonghwa… Seonghwa… I am so sorry, I am so sorry, I really am…” 

Seonghwa hugs him a little tighter, and Hongjoong breathes in his comforting scent he has become accustomed to after having clung to Seonghwa ever since he was resurrected. 

“Hongjoong, it is alright,” Seonghwa assures him with his calm voice, a hand coming up to envelop one of Hongjoong’s hands fisting his robe. “It is all in the past, Hongjoong.”

“I feel terrible, Seonghwa, I saw it all again, but this time,” Hongjoong chuckles brokenly, “this time you tried to kill me.”

Seonghwa flinches, as if even the  _ thought  _ pains him. He draws back a little to caress Hongjoong’s cheek and look at him.

“I would never, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says solemnly, like an oath. “I would never do that,” Seonghwa repeats again, louder this time. 

“I know, but…” Hongjoong squeezes Seonghwa’s robe tighter. 

_ But it felt so real… _

“It’s alright, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa softly says again, “please believe me, I would never do that, Hongjoong.”

“I know you won’t,” Hongjoong says, a small sob escaping him as he is reminded again of what he saw in his dreams. “You’ve stayed with me for so long, you’ve been by my side for so,  _ so  _ long, I trust you with everything, Seonghwa.”

That’s why it scared him so much seeing Seonghwa only watch as he falls from the cliff, seeing Seonghwa run to him with Bichen unsheathed, because that was a different Seonghwa, that was a Seonghwa so different from the Seonghwa he knows and gives all of him to.

“I don’t have a doubt about that, but I was just so…” Hongjoong trails off, and Seonghwa pulls him closer and envelops him in his warm embrace again, the soft scent of lavender surrounds him like a blanket, protecting him, even from his own thoughts.

“It is alright to be scared, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa mutters softly, “I’m here, and I’ll be here for you through it all.”

Hongjoong feels new tears well up, and he lets them fall, as he buries his face in the crook of Seonghwa’s neck.

“I know you will be,” Hongjoong breathes, “thank you.”

Seonghwa merely lays them both softly back onto the bed, holding Hongjoong close to him. 

“Close your eyes, rest more,” Seonghwa instructs, and Hongjoong turns a little to peek at the window behind him. Sunlight enters, the first few rays of dawn.

“Isn’t this breaking a rule, Seonghwa? Your uncle won't let you off easily if he finds out,” Hongjoong tiredly teases.

“It will be alright. Uncle is off on an errand, and Brother understands,” Seonghwa assures, and tightens his embrace a little more. “Sleep, Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong smiles, and closes his eyes.

“Thank you, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa hums, as attentive as ever, always ready to catch Hongjoong whenever he falls. Some days, Hongjoong feels like crying thinking of how no one else has ever cherished him like this and made him feel this way. 

He doesn't deserve Seonghwa, he thinks, but he remembers Seonghwa's words when he once voiced these thoughts out.

_ "You are my treasure, Hongjoong, my jade," _ Seonghwa had said, looking into Hongjoong's teary eyes, _"I don't deserve you."_

Hongjoong swallows the lump in his throat and snuggles closer, and Seonghwa lets him.

"Seonghwa..."

"Mn?"

"Thank you again."

A feathery kiss is placed atop his head.

"Sleep, Hongjoong. I love you."

Hongjoong smiles, pleased and content, "I love you too, Seonghwa, thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Do leave some kudo's and comments, I appreciate them! Thank you <3


End file.
